Every Little Thing She Does – Part 3
An Adult Aspergers Experience of Living in a Distracting World
So here’s the question…
Am I the controlling, judgmental, picky, needy, overbearing, and autocratic know-it-all I portrayed in Part 1? Or am I the wise, skilled, talented, polished, self-aware, and open-minded person I portrayed in Part 2?
The answer, of course, is all of the above. I’m both: a wild, swirling smoothie of qualities and characteristics, made from a mixture of inborn proclivities, needs, gifts, and limitations and a lifetime of experiences, reactions, and traumas, all whipped up in the Magic Bullet blenders of family, school, relationship, culture, and paradigm. In Part 1, I selected those parts of me that revealed the “know-it-all,” with the intent of providing a feeling experience of my inner process. In Part 2, I spoke of my other qualities, trusting that those characteristics are more often revealed in my posts. And I could highlight other parts, if I wished: the anxious part; the lost part; the furious part, etc.
But here’s the thing: while it’s easy enough to look at Mr. Smart Guy (the “know-it-all” part of me that judges Sally as “wrong”) and think him “the bad guy,” (especially when Mr. Open-Mind is standing right next to him looking all wise and shit) the fact is that I need both of those parts. As Terry Gilliam explained to John Cleese in Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life, I’m using them. Trying to somehow rid myself of the “know-it-all” would be like yanking my leg off: I could no longer walk.
A bit ironic, isn’t it? I mean… I’m arguing here that the part of me that walks through the world proclaiming that certain things are “bad” or “wrong” is not only not “bad” or “wrong,” but is, in fact, necessary to my existence. How can such a thing be?
While the answer to that will take a bit of time to unravel, I think I can outline the facets right now:
- The two aspects are opposite edges of the same sword.
- They operate in different territories, seeking different goals.
- Both aspects are understandable, and even lovable, once you understand why they are the way they are.
- It’s a matter of these aspects being in or out of balance.
- There are tweaks, hacks, protocols, and workarounds I can use to keep these aspects aligned.
- I’ve already become quite skilled at using these protocols.
- Mostly because of Sally being who she is.